If Resumes Were Real
In my career-building experiences as of late, I've been frustrated with how we have to word the minute details of our jobs. If only we could talk about our real skills in life.
- 1987-present Occasional bouts of cuntiness mixed with moments of organizational brilliance
- 1987-present Continuous quirky and uncomfortable situations for all parties
Significant things I have done with customers:
- Moved across the country
- Sloppily made out with and otherwise
- Stayed at their homes (inclusive of those Ke$ha dorm mornings)
- That whole elevator thing
Skills & Professional Experience
Majority Holder of the Instagram hashtag "Asians for breakfast"
My time management skills will give you a boner that you'll need to see a doctor for
For two consecutive years now, I have only traveled out of state with handsome men
- Dating ambiguity: I can effectively conceal the people I ACTUALLY date from my Facebook life by mesmerizing the masses with a trove of fake boyfriends
- Able to tips-ily battle people who are rude to bartenders
- My sangria makes people have sex. Seriously.